Apotheosis.

Basking in the afterglow of the previous night’s ceremony, we wandered together to the beach, arriving just as the sun rose. Hearts open wide, we stood in awe in each other’s arms, wondering at the miracle we call life.

Apotheosis

I burst forth;

The world has been

Trying to cram

Me back in

Ever since

It’s about midnight on January 30, 2020. My airport shuttle is pulling into the driveway, and I am crying. Hard.

I’m about to board a plane to head to Costa Rica by myself. I have no plans, other than attending a weeklong retreat where I’ll be meditating, sharing my story, and drinking ayahuasca with strangers.

I’m terrified.

“You’re going to get human trafficked, you know,” my best friend encourages me.

“I don’t agree with what you’re doing. At all,” my mom offers her support.

And yet, I go anyways, because there is some small yet mighty part of me that just knows I have to do this.

The Apotheosis retreat itself was earth-shattering, mind-blowing awesomeness. I met some of the most incredibly strong, resilient, beautiful people. We cried together, laughed together, held each other. And there was the part where I met God, and myself, more deeply than I ever could have imagined.

But more on that later.

After the retreat, I spend a month wandering aimlessly, catching a ride here with this person, adopting a group in this town, arriving at the gates of Envision Festival, moving to the next place with this new friend, and finally settling into a cabin in the jungle for some alone time before reuniting with another new friend for my last few days in the country.

It was pure magic, the kind of trip where you go to bed each night thinking “what a perfect day, how could tomorrow possibly be any better?”

And then it is.

My flight home was booked for March 12, and up until 3 hours before its departure, I honestly didn’t know if I’d get on it. But I had met some women from a beautiful island who invited me to come visit, and I wanted to get home so I could get there.

So I hopped on the plane.

And got locked down immediately upon arrival.

If I’m being honest, there was something relieving about the lockdown for me and where I was at at the time. I remember thinking on the flight home, “you know, it would be nice to have some down time at home to integrate everything that just happened. Being off work would be nice, but I’d still like to have some money coming in, maybe $2000 every couple weeks or so? Yeah, that’d be nice. Give me time to sort some things out before heading south again.”

Well, be careful what you ask for, my darlings; you just might get more than you bargained for.